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It’s Pride weekend, which is basically Gay Christmas, with glitter and dancing instead of garlands and family quarrels. I’m pumped to celebrate this weekend because I am a big queer dyke, but I’m not really proud of it. I’m also not ashamed of or disappointed by my queerness. I love being gay, but it’s not something I achieved or accomplished, just something I am. Last week I busted some lesbian myths and stressed that being a lesbian isn’t any easier than being a straight woman. That was all true, although, I’ll be honest, there are perks to being a lady homo. And here they are.

1. No Pregnancy Scares

Though this is not true of all queer women, I have personally never had sex with a dude and therefore have never had a pregnancy scare. When my period is late, I don’t have a panic attack wondering if I unintentionally created a human. I just get annoyed at my grrlfriend for having the dominant uterus and messing with my cycle yet again. Of course, some queer women/lesbians do sleep with men and have to take care of birth control. But for those of us who don’t, I will admit that it is quite nice. Of course, we still have to worry about STDs and safer sex and all that, but I for one am absolutely thrilled to never worry about one of my eggs turning into a kid.


Source: emptyclosets.com

Source: emptyclosets.com

2. We have all the cool hairstyles.

I suppose anyone is allowed to have any haircut, but lez be real here, some haircuts just belong to dykes (though we did lose that one haircut to Justin Bieber. That little jerk). Even if your gaydar is notoriously inaccurate, if you meet a woman with one of the haircuts pictured above, she’s almost sure to be a lady-lover. And of course, some of us, like me, have really long, hippie-girl-next-door hair, but are still as gay as a Cher concert audience. Remember, the lesbian makes the hair, not the other way around. Or something.


3. Pride

I have been repeatedly told this: “Gay Pride is discrimination. Why is there no Straight Pride?” Um, because society is built around straight pride. This world was made for heteros. Historically, gays have been discriminated against, beaten, bashed, disregarded and generally treated like the deviant perverts we were thought to be. Things are obviously much better now, especially in the Bay Area and other metropolitan areas in the U.S., where queer communities are thriving and we are generally accepted. But we’re still living in a heteronormative world, homophobia still exists and anti-queer hate crimes still happen. But for one weekend every year, queers are in charge. So I’m gonna go celebrate because I’m here, I’m queer and I have a fabulous outfit picked out.


4. Bathroom Makeouts/Hookups

Sure, bathroom hookups are traditionally the realm of gay men, but we get to do it too! It’s pretty awesome to be able to go into a bathroom with your girlfriend and make out a little or even have a quickie. Thank you, staight women, for going to the bathroom in pairs and making us look less suspicious. On the flipside, sometimes you’re really just peeing, and you get glared at when exiting the bathroom together. Really, folks waiting in line, we just had to pee! Pro tip: smeared lipstick and twisted tights tend to give you away.


5. No Pressure to Get Married

Actually, this isn’t true anymore. Gee, thanks, America, what’s my excuse for avoiding commitment now? Just kidding, yay for equality and stuff.

Featured Image: Flickr user philippe leroyer via Creative Commons

Ash Fisher is a comedian, actor and writer. She is not a comedienne, an actress or a writeress. Ash does standup all over California and co-produces and hosts "Man Haters Comedy" every month at The White Horse in Oakland. She is also an occasional illustrator and does voiceovers whenever someone lets her. She is a self-proclaimed selfie expert. Ash holds a B.F.A. in Theatre from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts, and Sallie Mae will never let her forget it.

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