Welcome to #AskCam, a column where sex and intersectionality are not divided but welcomed together.Dear Cam, How exactly do I address consent in casual relationship settings? If I'm in a longer-standing relationship, I'm not embarrassed or ashamed to talk about literally any topic....but if I go on one date with someone and I'm not vibing them then they kiss me or grope me or touch me in some way that my body is adverse, I get uncomfortable and can't find the words to defend myself in the moment. Sometimes it's because I shut down, other times I just prefer the out that I can ghost them and use that as a way to avoid the in-person confrontation. If I don't know the person at all, I'm fine. You creep on me at the bar or catcall me I'm telling you to your face to not sexually harass me, but it's this weird in between where I almost feel a sense of either guilt, or obligation, or fear that clouds my ability to speak out. -Casual Consent Dear Casual Consent, I think your question is an increasingly important one. There's so much conversation lately about the ways that desirability, consent, and autonomy spill over into our everyday (*ahem* sexual) lives, and I think that we don't really allow much space for navigating these things in ways that are free of confusion and awkwardness. When I first read your letter, I immediately thought that this wasn't so much a question of consent itself – you already seem to have a firm grasp on that – to me, your question speaks more about boundaries. Boundaries are a tricky thing in itself – for women and people who have been conditioned and socialized as femme folks, we've been brought up with this idea that other people's needs should come before our own. Empathy and compassion for others are admirable traits, but because conversations about autonomy and boundaries weren't accompanied, the message that most of us received was that what we want and need aren't as important as our partner's wants and needs, whether they identify as cis-het men or not.
Thanks to one great piece of advice, I have been saved from doing a lot of emotional and physical labor that would have discouraged me and possibly hurt my career. Dear Virgie, What is the best piece of professional advice you've ever gotten? Dear friend: I
"I have a crush on this fat babe who’s an acquaintance. I've never dated a girl before. I’m worried I will be a weirdo who’s co-opting queerness." Dear Virgie: I have a crush on this fat babe who’s an acquaintance. I’ve dated
Happy New Year! Lots of folks are pointing out that time is an arbitrary construct, and nothing really changes with a new year. But lots of things are going to change this year. Like, a racist, fascist reality-show star with