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WYV News Round-Up: NYPD Forgot To Take Their Lactaid and Framed Their Diarrhea as a Poisoning

News Round-Up: NYPD Forgot To Take Their Lactaid and Framed Their Diarrhea as a Poisoning

NYPD tried to blame their sensitive stomachs on Shake Shack employees poisoning them, Mercury in microbraids begins this week and more headlines from today.

By Clarkisha Kent

Even in the midst of a global pandemic and the fight of and for our [Black-ass] lives, the world continues to spin. Bombarding us at every which way with news of all kinds. Here’s a Wear Your Voice news round-up for the day:

NYPD Tries to Bully Shake Shack; Fails

It isn’t shocking that all the police do is shoot Black people, bully the general population (with special concentration on Black, Latinx, and Indigenous populations), have lowkey (highkey) tantrums akin to a collective Napoleon Complex about being respected even though they are perpetually disrespectful, and lie.

But of course, the NYPD decided to up the ante and absurdity with their propensity to lie by accusing Shake Shack of poisoning three of their Manhattan South officers… after they allegedly became ill after drinking milkshakes. Indeed, my dear readers. These officers were likely lactose intolerant like a good chunk of us. And instead of taking their lactaid to enjoy their sugar drinks, they went as far as accusing the restaurant organization of pouring bleach into their drinks.

The reactions, of course, were hilarious:

Of course, they eventually “investigated” and concluded that they hadn’t been poisoned. But like all “good cops”, they neglected to formally apologize to Shake Shack and their employees.

So basically, it’s just another day ending in Y.

Trump Signs An Executive Order on Policing That Does Nothing

To the surprise of no one, the useless sack of shit that is currently president and that most of us infamously refer to as “45”, signed an executive order on police reform that does… absolutely shit.

The news came today per AP, stating that the executive order promised to “encourage better police practices and establish a database to keep track of officers with a history of excessive use-of-force complaints”. He stressed this during his announcement in the Rose Garden… and while being flanked on all sides by pigs so-called “selfless public servants”.

To be honest, an executive order is a bit much when he could have just endorsed DeRay and Co’s now-defunct #8CantWait plan as they are essentially the same thing, but let me just take my Lactaid pill and mind my business.

A Recreational Drug That Has Landed 4323423408238923 Black People in Jail is Unsurprisingly Used To Fund Police Budgets in Portland

Yes, this headline is still relevant after all these years. No, I am not even joking. Yes, I do wish this was an Onion headline. And no, it wouldn’t even matter if it was an Onion headline because The Onion has unironically been freakishly correct for the last couple of years.

But on a more serious note, in light of growing calls from the American public to defund and abolish the police, elected officials in the city of Portland took another look at the city budget and discovered that at least 79% of the money that was generated on taxes from legalized cannabis went to the Portland police budget. For at least the last two years.

This comes in light of news that Portland voters decided to approve a 3 percent sales tax on cannabis back in 2016, with hopes that it might be used to support small businesses, or fund substance abuse programs (or hell, just putting it out there, maybe aid and exonerate all the Black and Latinx people you jailed over weed for the last couple of fucking decades, but okay). This news more than pissed off a few of the city’s commissioners.

I am truly convinced that we all died in 2012 and we’re all just living in the upside-down version of hell. Because baby….

RECOMMENDED: The Marijuana Industry Alienates Black People and Benefits White Folks

Mercury Goes into Kitchen Aid on June 17th

I know, I know. You probably exhaled just as long as I did when I was reminded of the news this morning. We definitely all got a preview of what is to come when every phone and internet line you could think of went down in the States yesterday (particularly if you had service with T-Mobile), but trust that Miss Mercury is only just getting started.

Right now, we’re in the shadow period, but Mercury Retrograde will officially be commencing tomorrow, June 17. And it will be doing so… in the sign of Cancer. I know, I know! You probably just groaned again, but this doesn’t have to be all bad. While there will definitely be slowdowns and delays, this is a perfect time to sit with your thoughts, cultivate some empathy for everything (#BlackLivesMatter) that is going on and the people at the center of it, and even make plans for how exactly you want your life to look when the Retrograde is over on July 12.

Good luck, y’all.

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