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Happy Mercury Retrograde in Pisces. Here’s How to Survive!

Mercury Retrograde can serve as the perfect time to get your life in order and properly cement yourself in the new year.

February 16, 2020 marked the beginning of Mercury, once again, going into Gatorade. Now Mercury Marinade can be a stressful time for all of us because Mercury, from our point of view in relation to the sun, looks like it’s moving backward in its orbit, and thus bringing chaos where communication, technology, time, travel, and the mechanical is concerned. But have no fear.

You don’t have to let Mercury KitchenAid wreck your life.

On the contrary, Mercury Rollerblade can serve as the perfect time to get your life in order and properly cement yourself in the new year (and the new decade) that is 2020. So, without further ado, here are ten ways to survive Mercury Lemonade in Pisces… or, in the very least, make sure it doesn’t ruin your life:

1. Refuse to leave your house.

Fellow recluses and hermits, it is our time to shine. And if you’re like me and totally want to bypass the guaranteed chaos that will surely happen in the next three weeks, let us join hands (virtually and spiritually), look up our favorite delivery apps, and put off all meetings and responsibilities until March 10th.

2. Resist thine urge to text thy ex.

So this one is tricky because this is technically the perfect time to revisit any lingering feelings that you have about loved ones and even ex-loved ones. But revisiting does not mean re-engaging. You’re not required to kick open the door and let that demonic ex back into your life for “closure”. That’s where people usually get fucked up.

3. Take a moment to sit and review your feelings.

As mentioned above, this is the time to sit with any strong feelings that you’ve been struggling with since the decade that was January (let’s be real, that was a long-ass month). And with Mercury Retrograding in fucking Pisces, you’re going to be extra sensitive to such feelings—hidden or not. Many a time, I believe we rush ourselves when it comes to feeling uncomfortable things and emotions but since Mercury is in microbraids, the literal stars are telling you to fucking stop and pay attention to what you’re feeling. I’d listen if were you, just saying.

4. Revive that creative project you got bored with six months ago.

One of the most annoying things about being a creative or being creatively-inclined is having the urge to start a new project every 2.5 seconds. Of course, starting anything new during the Retrograde is a big, fat, no-no. However, it would be within the spirit of this chaotic season to go back through your idea vault and restart a project that you were once excited about but then had no time for. I mean, you never know, that could be the breakthrough you’ve been waiting for.

5. Re-check any [travel] plans.

There’s a lot of things about the Retrograde that annoy me, but perhaps the most annoying thing is how quick it is to fuck with long-term travel plans. Like seriously. I have had friends who are travel EXPERTS miss whole flights and bus rides and train rides because they mixed up the time or the company or the location randomly. With this being the case, I would actually recommend not making any travel plans during this period, but if you must… you need to set like 402803298439 reminders. Sticky notes, alarms, alerts. It does not matter. Be prepared!

6. For smaller travel plans, remember to add an hour of travel time.

For travel that is happening in town rather than out-of-town, be prepared for delays and my favorite… traffic. Yes, even if you live in bumfuck nowhere, be prepared for a legion of cars to materialize out of thin air and prevent you from going where you need to go. To avoid (most) of this, you should probably add at least an hour to your travels.

7. Reassess and back up all electronic devices in your possession.

I have a lot of retrograde horror stories that include losing that important term paper or having to find that vanishing script because I was too lazy to upload it to Google Drive or Dropbox. Don’t be like me.

8. It’s time to stop and re-organize your life.

New Year ads usually focus on January being the time to make all your yearly goals and reorganize and re-shuffle your life to make it easier and interesting and whatnot. But, the actual time to do all that “new year, slightly different me” shit is during the year’s first retrograde. The reason for this is because Mercury forces us to slow the fuck down, relax our minds, rethink what it is that we want to accomplish in the year’s remaining months and remove anything and everything that is going to derail us from such goals. This is the time! Take it.

9. Refrain from signing or entering any new contracts… relationships included.

The first Retrograde after Valentine’s Day (or even during) is usually fucking hilarious because on one hand, rejoice! Because you survived this very, highly commercialized holiday and its trappings. But on the other hand, because Mercury has jokes, this tenuous period usually also presents like 324930430948232983 opportunities to throw yourself into the relationship you so-called “missed out” on during the thick of cuffing season. But don’t be fooled. For these opportunities are false ones and have the potential to totally re-orient your year for the worst if you accidentally get caught up. By all means, have some fun, but if you’re looking for something serious, wait until the Retrograde is over. And if you’re worried that said serious prospect won’t be there after the Retrograde’s conclusion, well I got a message for you: You probably dodged a bullet.

10. Respect your loved ones during this time by refusing to pick nonsense fights with them.

This is the one that always has me fucked up, because every time the Retrograde comes around, someone—it doesn’t matter who—I care about just randomly decides that this is the time to pick a nonsensical fight with me. Now in past years, I would respond with the same energy and perhaps things that should have never been uttered were suddenly said… and resulted in both of us having to sheepishly rectify what could have been a minor squabble later. Do not do this. Do not be like my temperamental past self. Because this mystery squabble will surely come. This period is all about miscommunication and even if you think you did your due diligence in explaining or even fighting fair with someone, someone else will re-emerge and decide that this is the time to pick a bone with you. Don’t fall for it! Don’t start a war over a pebble. Run. Put off the argument. Do whatever you gotta do to avoid being a dickhead and ending a relationship just because your pride took over the driver’s seat.  

That’s it. That’s all. And remember, you don’t have to let Mercury Retrograde ruin or run your life. You can make it work for you. See you (hopefully) on March 10.

Featured artwork integrated an image from this Tweet.

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