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25 Things That Are More Supportive of Black Women Than Terry Crews

Black women have been supportive of Terry Crews. We offer you this incomplete list of things that are more supportive of Black women than Terry Crews.

It’s a tale as old as time. Black women, by virtue of our own very strong moral compass and love for our people, are always ready to pick up our swords and fight for someone else. Be it a fellow Black person or even another marginalized party, Black women are always supportive and prepared to do what’s right.

But this commitment to the greater good is never reciprocated.

Speaking on this has become necessary and relevant again this week in the wake of “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” actor Terry Crews telling Us Weekly that he personally had never experienced the kind of “toxic work culture” that actress Gabrielle Union has been vocal about following her dismissal from “America’s Got Talent.” Obviously, this is really funny considering that, back in 2017, Union was one of the first celebrities to support Crews when he alleged that he had been groped by former WME agent Adam Venit.

And strangely enough, he cannot be bothered to keep the same energy for Union and back her up now that it’s time to take a stand against an entity that does not care for or support Black women, and is happily using her as the face of this abuse. He could have and should have been supportive of Union and instead chose to throw her under the bus.

This is aggravating, true, but unsurprising considering the circumstances. And I’m glad Union herself is finally speaking out. But because EYE am interested in backing her up as she speaks, instead of thinkpiece-ing this thing to death, I’m just gonna list a few things doing a better job of supporting Black women better than Terry Crews (and most other Black men, let’s be honest):

1. Gravity

Shout out to the literal force that keeps us tethered to planet Earth.

2. Strapless Bras

While these things tend to hold the twins up by the seat of their hopes and dreams, they’re still offering up some kind of support. Which is more than we can expect from some people.

3. Coconut Oil

What more can you say about the nectar of the Gods that restores the balance of grace and moisture to our luscious and versatile curls and skin?

4. Vagisil

You might not be able to rid yourself of all itches that ail, but this one is definitely there for you for certain itches for those of us with vaginas.

5. Wide Tooth Combs

The ultimate weapon for de-tangling those tresses.

6. 1-Ply Toilet Paper

Wholly unreliable, but still reliable enough to make this list. Gotta wipe your ass with something, right?

7. House Plants

When have you known a plant to grow legs and walk away from you? Exactly.

8. Spanx

You know, for when you feel that you literally need something to hold it all together. Not that we actually need shapewear, but some of us like it.

9. The Guest Bathroom During Thanksgiving

When all else fails, this particular toilet will always be there when no one else wants to be.

10. Cast Iron Skillets

For when a motherfucker got you fucked up. Or you just need to make some cornbread. 

11. Grits

For when your man (if men are what you’re into) is not acting right.

12. Satin Pillowcases

For protection against evil and breakage!

13. Apple Cider Vinegar

No dandruff or buildup formed against us shall prosper.

14. Child Support Enforcement Orders

I know I’m petty for this. And yet.

15. Titty Tape

I have never successfully had my titties held up by boob tape and it still puts in more work than one Terry A. Crews.

RECOMMENDED: A Call-In: What Terry Crews Got Wrong And How He Can Fix It

16. Oxyclean

What are stains when you have this blessed white powder at your disposal? RIP Billy Mayes.

17. A D’Angelo poster from the 90s

This one…is self-explanatory.

18. Any Book by Toni Morrison, Alice Walker, Zora Neale Hurston, bell hooks, etc.

Did you really think some of the most famous and important architects of Black Feminist Thought and Black Feminist Theory wouldn’t make this list???

19. Neutrogena Hydro Boost Sunscreen

Have you ever put this shit on your face? It is AMAZING.

20. Sporks

But literally any utensil will do.

21. Sex Toys

Think about it. When was the last time your Hitachi wand or Rabbit or Bad Dragon dildo let you down? Have they ever not been supportive?

22. The String in a G String

As long as you have the faith of a mustard seed, know that a g string will be supportive of your back and your ass and both will be covered.

23. Tyler Perry Movies

Hear me out…

24. Megan Thee Stallion’s Knees

Megan has the collective power of 483290483294730248320893 Black women and 320894230940329804893 ancestors in those knees and it is most certainly a beacon for all of womxnkind.

25. The Last $4.83 on Your Starbucks Gift Card

Listen. This card is always here for you when you’re thirsty and you ain’t got shit in the fridge at home.

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